In my (snorts derisively) spare time I:

• Play golf obsessively... and quite badly (16.5 hcp)
• Learn Spanish verrrry slowly (inside joke for those like me struggling with the trilled R)
• Watch movies
• read a lot of books (majoring in evolutionary biology, computing, psychology and history though I have been reading a lot of Richard Morgan sci-fi recently). I usually manage 6-7 books a month. If I ever get on Desert Island Discs, when they ask me to name a luxury item I'll specify a library.
• Drink wine¹. I used to drink beer, but my choice is sadly restricted by gluten-intolerance.
• Worry about my weight ².
• Pootle around in my garden (limited now due to problems with my back, which is probably something to do with sitting in front of a computer too much, at least that's what the physiotherapist told me).
• Spend far too much time on the Internet programming newsgroups bitching about this and that. Still it's nice of them to provide a place for loonies to yell at one another.

Gosh, what a thrilling life I lead. 

I readily admit to being a nerd. This means I have powers of concentration which border on the scary, a pernickety eye for detail, a certain lack of patience with civilians and the willfully ignorant, and if I was any more self-centred I'd be a gyroscope.

My employer manufactures home alarm systems to protect the elderly, the sick, victims of domestic violence and those on witness protection programs.   The outfield units ring into control centres via the telephone network, and my primary job is to design the software systems for those control centres, which are based on Windows. This isn't quite as simple as it sounds, because we not only support our own units, but our control centres have to support the equipment from dozens of other manufacturers worldwide. We sell into many countries, including Germany, Spain, Belgium, Luxembourg, Holland, Denmark, Australia, New Zealand, Canada, Hong Kong, the USA, old uncle Tom Cobbley and all.

I've spotted a couple of trends on the web of late - pictures of offices and that whole "five things you didn't know about me" business. Well I'm not falling for the latter, but if you're nosy enough you can have a look at my office should that interest you.

Contrary to popular belief, I am not a contractor. Nor have I ever worked at Microsoft. And I'm not even half as smug as I usually look. It's just the way my face hangs. Sorry.

I held Microsoft MVP (Most Valuable Professional) status on the Microsoft newsgroups for around 8 years, beginning in the Compuserve days back in 1996.  To see some other MVP web sites, visit our hub site www.mvps.org , run by the ever ebullient duo of Felix Kasza and Karl Peterson.

To find out more about my computing history see the My History with Computers page. My CV (resumé) was removed in an attempt to thwart recruitment agents, who had been badgering me relentlessly for over a year until I did this. I had no idea there were so many of them.